can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
