you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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