i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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