So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just had sex on a roof
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
