I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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