We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
