Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
