my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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