Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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