if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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