I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
