Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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