Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
