There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
People with herpes should wear stickers.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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