honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
