Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
