Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
