the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
