so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
