So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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