I could make wine with my vomit
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
