I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
