Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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