Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
