I accidentally had phone sex last night
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
