there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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