I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
