you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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