Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
