My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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