Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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