Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
