Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
