She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
