it hurts more in the daytime
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
