I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
love makes seman taste better
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
