Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
