the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
