Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
