i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
