This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
