What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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