Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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