Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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