The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
