I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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