Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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