Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.