Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
be right there i have to get my cape
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence