Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now