If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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