I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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