when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
