I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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