Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
