Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
