Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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