Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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