I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
