Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
