i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
