Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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