you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
