Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
