evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
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Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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