And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
