Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
