I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
