i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
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Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
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I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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