are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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