A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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